12 years ago at this very moment, I was less than 30 minutes away from meeting my first child.

I spent the entire night in a hotel room in Manteo, NC lying on a leather couch with a hotel towel for a blanket after the hospital discharged me and told me it could be another two weeks.

It was scary and agonizing, and I prayed like I had never prayed before.

After a long, sleepless night and certainty that I would die if this lasted for two more weeks, I strongly insisted that I be taken to the hospital again which may or may not have been accompanied by a slew of expletives.

It was a fairly short drive which couldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes yet it felt like an eternity.

We pulled up to the front door of the emergency room, they made me fill out paperwork (again), put me on the elevator to the birth center, transferred me to a stretcher and the last thing I remember before I met Kaia was the nurse yelling “emergency delivery.”

She was born 7 minutes from the time that we rolled up to the sliding doors of the hospital.

Somewhat figuratively and many parts literally speaking, not much has changed over the last 12 years. It’s been uncharted territory, terrifying at times, maddening, utterly painful, and also a simply beautiful experience for which I am immensely grateful.

Happy birthday to my maddening, painful and simply beautiful first child, Kaia Madeline. You are my heart walking around outside my body.